This is my fifth solo MSTing, and I'm releasing it cause I've been working on X-Raider so long, I figured I ought to remind people I'm capable of working on my own too. ;) Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to the people at Best Brains Inc. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, DiC and a lot of other people who aren't me. Ruri Hoshino and Nadesico belong to Kia Asamiya and StarChild. Any other anime/movies/television shows/whatever mentioned within belong to their respective owners. Unless they don't, in which case they probably belong to me. Sailor Moon OAV belongs to Dr. Thinker. All rights to it are his and he's welcome to them! Please don't construe this as a flame, because it isn't. Hell, Doc, you know all of us SVAMers love ya! * * * ( Turn Off Your Brain, Where Applicable. ) In the not too distant future, [ A shot of a starscape... Up in the S.o.L., Zoom in on the SoL. ] Mike Nelson and his robot pals, [Mike turns to face Cambot have been condemned to hell. and we zoom back to see the other Bots. At "hell", Fanfic sign goes off.] Their friendly local lunatic cranks, [fade to SoL then zoom down Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank, to a shot of Dr. F and Frank.] Have decided that they hate Mike's guts, [Dr. F and Frank shooting darts So they shot him into space at a picture of Mike...fade to and tried to drive him nuts. Dr. F ranting at Mike.] (Leeettt Meeee Doooooowwwn!) [A rocket going around the Earth] [Dr. F and Frank, with yellowed We'll send him cheesy fanfics, parchment. Dr. F speaks first The worst we can find (la la la) then drops his and grins evilly] He'll have to sit and read them all, [A back shot of Mike n' the Bots And we'll monitor his mind (la la la) in the theater... fade to a side shot of the same scene.] Now keep in mind Mike can't control, [Part of the door sequence.] Where the fanfics begin or end, (la la la) [A confused Mike reads "E-Z ROBOT He'll try to keep his sanity, Repair as Crow's head burns... With the help of his robot friends Fade to Mike, tied and gagged begging the Bots to free him.] ROBOT ROLL CALL! ["Robot Roll Call" appears on a blank screen, word by word.] Cambot! (Roll 'em!) [Cambot.] Gypsy! (Oh, dear!) [Gypsy.] Tom Servo! (I'm huge!) [Tom.] Crooooooow! (Bite me!) [Take a wild guess. ;)] If you're wondering how he eats [The SoL flies across the and breathes, screen then Dr. F and Frank And other science facts, (la la la) appear from under it.] Repeat to yourself "It's just a show, [Mike and co. hiding behind a I should really just relax, table with explosives on it.] For Mystery Science Theater 3000 (v. 2.0)!" [Dr. F trying to pay off a policeman, fade to the MST3k globe.] Best Brains on Drugs Presents... MSTed by Blazej Szpakowicz (zek@csi.uottawa.ca) Based on a Sailor Moon fanfiction by Dr. Thinker MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 (version 2.0) EPISODE 105: SAILOR MOON OAV Deep in thought, Michael J. Nelson, esq., surveyed the chess board in front of him. All possible moves seemed to lead to imminent destruction. His white king seemed surrounded by a massive sea of black. And he could have sworn that he'd left the gas on in the kitchen... at home... on Earth... years ago... Which, come to think of it, didn't really matter at this point in time. Oh, and he really couldn't play chess. Finally, at wits' end, he grabbed a piece, more or less randomly, and moved, more or less equally randomly. Ruri Hoshino, his opponent, almost immediately took one of her multitude of pieces, a knight, moved it, removed Mike's latest now-defunct piece from the board, and softly said, "Checkmate." Mike sighed as he began moving his pieces back into their starting positions. "Okay, so that makes... what? Oh, one and forty-seven? How did I manage that tie, anyway?" Ruri shrugged, "I was feeling charitable." Mike groaned, "Why, thank you. Why don't you let me actually *win* next time?" And for that matter, why did the damned TV have to be out of order, consigning him to the playing of this devil's game? Finally, his work done, he looked up from the board, "Okay, let's try this again." Then, he ducked so as to dodge the baseball that Crow T. Robot had just thrown almost directly at his head. He moved a pawn, then turned to look in the direction of the golden robot. "*What* are you doing?" Tom Servo, a baseball bat in place of his bubble dome, moved up beside his co-Bot. "We're playing baseball," he proudly proclaimed. Mike shook his head wearily, "I *know* that. I meant... can't you do something slightly safer?" Crow, in a confused tone, asked, "What are you talking about, Mike? You usually do this too..." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but..." Mike quickly interjected, "but, be that as it may, I was kinda trying to lose this game of chess, so d'you suppose you could try something else, like, say, *bowling*?" "Miiiiike..." Crow started to whine. "Don't "Miiiiike" me! Just try and do something less destructive!" Mike nearly shouted. "Oh, all right," Crow acquiesced. "Come on, Servo." Mike sighed theatrically as a one of his bishops got swallowed, "I don't believe them..." Ruri shrugged as her opponent followed up with an eminently non-threatening move, "They're probably imitating their main human role-model." Mike nodded, "Yeah, I suppose you're..." Then her comment struck home, "*what*?" "Checkmate in eighteen." Ruri replied. "*WHAT*? Again?" Mike asked, with even more surprise and indignation. Then, he added, "Watch out." Ruri turned her head fractionally, rolled her eyes, and then ducked to allow the hurtling bowling ball to pass (and smash into the far wall). "I don't believe it..." Mike muttered, cradling his face in his hands, "A *grenade launcher*?" Crow immediately tried to hide the offending item behind his back, and failed miserably. "Well, you know, bowling is such a... boring little game. We were just trying to spice it up a little" "Guys..." Mike moaned, "Only you could manage to turn bowling into a contact sport..." Seeing, out of the corner of his eye, a flashing light, he added, "Oh, forget it. Hansel and Gretel are calling." After Mike got up and pressed the switch patching the Satellite of Love through to deep thirteen, a grinning Dr. Clayton Forrester looked up at the group from the Hexfield Viewscreen, "Ah, Nelson! There you are! How's life? Are we suffering horribly yet?" "Not really, sir," Mike answered truthfully, "Well... I *was* losing badly at chess earlier, but otherwise things are just fine!" Dr. F's brow furrowed, "You're making fun of me, aren't you?" Mike shook his head quickly, "Oh no, sir. I wouldn't dream of it, sir." "You are!" Dr. growled angrily, "Yes, you are! Just for that, I'm bringing back the Invention Exchange. So jump to it, chump!" Mike blinked, "Riiight... Or invention today is... um... help me here, guys..." As one, the crew of the S.o.L. started to search through the immediate area for anything that could be classified as an invention. Finally, Ruri grabbed the first thing her eyes alighted on... a pencil. Mike's eyes widened visibly as Ruri held up their "invention". "Um... right... Our invention today is..." "... a pencil." Ruri concluded. "Yeah, a pencil..." Mike said, with a slight shake of his head, "And this isn't just any pencil, though, it's a super pencil! That's because it... um..." "Stores eighty-nine percent more lead." Ruri interjected. "Yeah!" Mike nodded, "More lead, that's the ticket!" Meanwhile, Dr. F's right eyebrow had begun to twitch violently, "You *are* making fun of me. It seems desperate measures are called for. I believe this rates another session with my good colleague Dr. Thinker..." Mike paled at the mention of that dreaded name, "But sir... You haven't shown us *your* invention yet. I mean, if there's supposed to be an invention exchange and all..." "What?" Dr. F asked, irritatedly. "Oh, very well! I'm told a dying man should have his last wishes honoured. Frank!" TV's Frank was, unfortunately, nowhere to be seen, "Frank! Where is that stupid, idiotic nincom- Oh, there you are, old buddy, old pal." Like magic, TV's Frank had appeared just beside Dr. F's right elbow, "Yes sir, Oh Paragon of Evilness?" "I don't suppose you have any ultra-evil inventions lying around?" Dr. F asked, draping a friendly arm around Frank's shoulder. "Well, there is my mind control ray over there." Frank said, pointing at an incredibly fake looking ray-gun lying on a near table. "Ah, excellent!" Dr. F said, his eyes alight, "Nelson, I'd like to present to you *my* mind control device, which I'm *very* proud of, and which I made *all by myself*. What it does is... well, it controls minds. And how it does it is... um... Frank, how does it do it?" "Oh, you just point and click the red button." Frank replied cheerfully. "Ah, thank you," Dr. F nodded, "anyway, this wonderful device..." "No," Frank suddenly shouted, "not in that..." BZZZZZZT! "...direction. Oh, darn. Um... you okay, Steve?" "Yes, Master." Dr. F replied robotically. "Oh, poopie." Frank muttered sadly. "Still," he added, his face lighting up with joy, "this does present unique possibilities... Um... I'll just send you guys the fic first!" Mike shook his head frantically, "But... uh... didn't we just free you from the oppressive yoke of your Dread Overlord?" "Well, yes," Frank replied, "and I'm very thankful, but, you know, if I didn't send you the fic, Clay'd be disappointed." And so, he did just that, "Have fun!" "Oh no, we've got Thinker sign!" The usual chaos ensued. Door 6: It's a heavy black door that slides open with an ominous bang, revealing the hot pink paneling of the corridor behind. Door 5: It has a complicated tumbler lock system. You fiddle with it for a few minutes then toss a brick through the window and open the latch. Door 4: It's a foreboding, securely locked iron gate. You open the doggie door and squeeze through. Door 3: It's a solid wall of glass. You hum Stone Cold Steve Austin's entrance theme and it kee-rashes to pieces. Door 2: It's a saloon door. You kick it open and it swings back and hits you in the face. You then walk through carefully. Door 1: It's a large double door that opens inwards into the theater. >Sailor Moon OAV - Summary. > >by Dr. Thinker CROW: Oh. Wonderful. The day just got worse. MIKE: What? We already knew it was him! CROW: Yeah, but now we're certain. >I was just mind my own buzwaxs TOM: Buzzing Earwax? What does that have to do with anything? >when I come to new Japanese >store..subbitiles, originals, dubbed..any every you can >name... MIKE: Including Avery Brooks? >even have translactions for video games. RURI: Why would video games need lactic acid transplanted into them? >I was walking in >the back and she something. RURI: She whats? MIKE: Who's she, anyway? CROW: I dunno... "she something", "she something"... Aha! "See something"! ALL: [Silence] TOM: I think you're right. CROW: Sho, doesh he have a lishp or shomething? RURI: What I want to know, is how can you misspell "see" but spell the much longer word "something" properly? MIKE: Believe me, this guy is *very* talented. >The owner found this when he was a janitor. MIKE: [gasp] The Xentau! RURI: The what? CROW: Before your time. >They were going >to make each Scouts a lonely OAV. TOM: *sniff* Such a poor OAV... All alone in the world... >Each one a bit different. RURI: The plot, villains, and art are exactly the same, but the music's different. >But >then they decide on ending the series with Sailor Moon Sailor >Stars, MIKE: A whole line without any typoes? I'm impresed. TOM: Typoes? Impresed? MIKE: I'm going native. >but he saw it was OK! As long as place it into the fan- >fiction area that Gerenal and Sailor Moon based. MIKE: Gerenal? TOM: Um... one of the months in the French Revolutionary calendar? MIKE: No, that was Germinal. RURI: A silent film starring Buster Keaton? MIKE: That was The General. CROW: Um... a well known and popular comedian? MIKE: No, that's Jerry Seinfeld. I think you're stretching, Crow. >OK! So I told >it...he just give it... TOM: So, were you talking to a "he" or an "it"? MIKE: Either this is some deep meaningful Freudian thing about how human males are really animals at heart, or else... CROW: Or else? MIKE: Well, or else it isn't. >he give me four Pretty Solider TOM: Solider? Was this co-written by Chris Rogers? >Sailor Moon >OAV room for new stuff. RURI: Room for New Stuff? Is that the sequel to Room with a View? >***************************************************************** MIKE: Whoa... That would make this about... twenty times better than Citizen Kane? >-------------------------------------------------------------- >First Oav - Moon Lights Dreams CROW: [Reporter] This just in. We have been informed that the house of an entire family of Dreams has, moments ago, been brutally vandalized and set on fire by the Moon! We'll keep you abreast of developments as they develop. Now back to your regularly scheduled program. RURI: You said that just to get the word "breast" in, correct? CROW: Guilty as charged. RURI: Baka. >This has a pink cover with Usagi as Sailor Moon as Mamoru as >Tudexo Karmen. MIKE: So... this is Usagi, in her Sailor Moon form, disguised as Mamoru, or the Twit in a Cape, as I call him, in his Tuxedo Kamen form? RURI: No, it says Karmen, not Kamen. MIKE: Okay then... Usagi, in her Sailor Moon form, disguised as Mamoru crossdressing as Carmen Electra in a tuxedo. I can see that. >Behiend them is a Queen of Beryl >------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: [sings] Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh... >On the back..black on pink. It's reading > >"This is first of 3 oav based on the famous Sailor Moon. RURI: As opposed to the little known Arizona lawyer of the same name. >Question, when the Chaos, back into people it reavel the first >evil villains Sailor Moon fights. MIKE: Where's the question? TOM: Right here: What is that supposed to mean? CROW: Well... when his Lordship Chaos backed his car into some people, he reveled in the first evil villains, as opposed to the first good villains, that Sailor Moon fought. I think. >Can the Sailor Scouts past the >tests of the Cesital Gaurdian? Who is the Cesital Gaurdian?" TOM: And why should we even care about the Centennial Guardian? All these questions answered, and more! >----------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: That's a lot of dashes... MIKE: Yup. >The start of OAV is Mix of Moonlight Romace (Theme on the Sailor >Moon in Japan). MIKE: "Sailor Moon in Japan"? Would that be like... Shin Sailor Moon? TOM: What? MIKE: Well, if Shin Tenchi is "Tenchi in Tokyo"... >It's shows the first villains with Queen Beryl >and fighting against Sailor Moon. RURI: The villains were fighting with the main villain against the heroine? Sorry, that make no sense. >Ends with all of them at the >tittle screen. CROW: [giggles] >-------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: That's a lot of dashes... MIKE: Yup. CROW: I think it means something. MIKE: Yup. >Moon is sad but allowing the Sailor Scouts to going a while, >Hakura and Michulle going to American for World Racers races for >2 months. RURI: Hakura and Michulle? MIKE: Well, if you'll allow me to be patently unoriginal... Twisted clones of Haruka and Michiru. >Makoto, Ami, Minako, Rei TOM: Hey, Doc, you spelled all their names correctly! You alright? >have been forced to go to the >far area of Japan to study. RURI: That makes sense. CROW: Japan doesn't have a far end, anyhow! MIKE: What? CROW: Well, it's too small! MIKE: It is? CROW: Oh, come on! It's something like two inches across! ALL: [Silence] MIKE: Crow, remind me to tell you a couple things about the proper use of an atlas when this is over... >Becomes of one of Sailor Galixa's >attacks, drestory the only dome for girls there. TOM: Dome for Girls? RURI: The feminist's version of the Pontiac Silverdome. >Then we switch to a famous location in Sailor Moon Universe. D- >Point. TOM: Which point? CROW: Da point! ALL: [Silence] TOM: We have *got* to get outta here. >Flames, Waters, Petals, Blood froms MIKE: I see that Blood is an individualist. It doesn't go in for the then popular fashion of having an "s" at the end. >the foor gerenals CROW: Is that French? It sounds like French. >of >the Dark Kindgom. And them red loctus reborn the Queen of Dark >Kindgom, Queen Beryl. RURI: Did you know Queen Beryl was a Queen? TOM: No! You learn something new every day! >Queen Beryl ask what on Earth happen? MIKE: Well... Sailor Moon kicked your ass. Any questions? >Melita give a abbrivation version of what happen on Earth. "When >Choas get killed. CROW: That sentence would appear to be missing a main clause. ALL: [Silence] CROW: Mike, I just resorted to riffing grammar... I'm scared! >Moon must refight all of her villains to see if >she can rule Crystral Tokyo. TOM: Not a bad idea, actually. MIKE: This one original idea probably makes this the best fanfic we have ever had to read. TOM: We're doomed, aren't we? MIKE: Yup. >We are the first to pick for his >job. As see that Moon and Mask are long. CROW: Nine inches, wasn't it? RURI: Always a baka. >We going have some fun >for change. RURI: Yes, getting destroyed in battle by Sailor Moon would certainly be fun. >But beware of Moon's new power. As Naru Osakko is no >way in Tokyo. TOM: In Your House: No Way In Tokyo. >So you not have to worry about Nephrite. TOM: Look, attention to details! If this fic's spelling and grammar weren't horribly butchered, it would actually be good! MIKE: That's what everyone says. TOM: Yeah, well, it *is* true... CROW: [whispered] Conform... conform... >Neprhite groans about his as Zoyitice laughs. Zoyitice gets eblow >by Jadiete. Nephrite kicks Zoyitice. Kunzite picks up Zoyitice. CROW: [Grandmotherly] Now, now, kids, don't squabble! You can *all* have some squab-on-a-stick! OTHERS: Yay! >Queen Beryl shouted. They list. Jadiete goes first. CROW: [Jadeite] Okay, I'll list my main interests. Power, money, women, women, money, power, money, women... RURI: [Beryl] I get the idea. Next. >************************************************************* MIKE: That's an awful lot of stars... Are we on Sunset Boulevard? >He lands back a the airport in which her death. RURI: Jadeite in drag? No thank you. >Jadiete fast and >fary. CROW: Jadeite's Fists of Fury! Starring Jackie Chan! >Moon see him and makes a creak when..Who does Jadiete think he >his..Ramma and Co. CROW: Uh... That's so... so... so... very incomprehensible. I tell you, I'm speechless. RURI: That makes a pleasant change. >"Stop. In the place of the Moon, I will punish you!" > >"Get real Moon!" MIKE: [Moon] Hey, I like being fictional! >"Oh, yeah!" CROW: Sailor Moon OAV, starring Randy Macho Man Savage as Sailor Moon! RURI: I didn't need that image either. >A fight breaks out. Jadiete kicks and punchs. Moon to close for >comfort to use his warps. MIKE: What do Wendy and Richard Pini have to do with this? TOM: Oh... that's obscure. Do you think anyone will get it? MIKE: Ask me if I care. >Moon kicks out TOM: [Vince McMahon] One, two, he got her! No, no he didn't... >him out with her "Sliver >Honeymoon Theropy Kiss." TOM: You know, that is such a *stupid* name. RURI: It's canon. TOM: Oh. [pause] You know, that is such a *stupid* name. >Meanwhile, Nephrite as walk into the same Nerma college as the >other Scouts are attack to get energy. MIKE: Shouldn't the youma be the ones attacking to get energy, not the scouts? >He has a fight between >Sailor Jutiper, Sailor Mars, Sailor Merucry and Sailor Venus. CROW: Ooo. Catfight. >He >fights them. Venus goes down first, she gets kick into the way. RURI: This is certainly a wonderfully realized fight scene. >Sailor Mars. CROW: Who is the dominatrix senshi? I'll have Sailor Moon for two-hundred please, Alex. MIKE: Crow... >Mars is thrown by Nephrite so far that she lands in >group of pillows. RURI: I don't think she will survive that. She could have broken her neck. >Mars changes.. MIKE: Oh, no! Sailor Mars is *mutating*! >then something appears. A Cesital >Beining is laughing. Another Cesital Beging told him to can it. CROW: Oh, those Cesarean beings are so great and awe-inspiring. >They dissapper. Meanwhile, Jutiper has throwed Nephrite. RURI: Can we get this fic throwed away too? >Only >thing hurt is his burth. TOM: Nephrite was giving birth? MIKE: And here I thought Zoisite was the only one who could even vaguely be considered female. >A tital wave with metor blast >happens..rivial only Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune arrive. MIKE: I call a moratorium on Uranus puns. CROW: Awww... Come on, at least give me a chance to get one in! MIKE: No! >Nephrite is half suprise/half not. Nephrite takes the energy of >the fighting kid TOM: The Fighting Kid? Is that Sean Waltman's latest moniker? RURI: It's Billy's good twin brother. >from Jutiper, Mars, Venus, Uranus, and Neven >with his new Star Crystral. RURI: Neven? The Sailor Scout of palindromes? > > >Meanwhile, Zoyitice TOM: Any relation to Vanilla Ice? >and Kunzite has sertculy return all the 7 >Great Youmas back to the Nega-Verse. CROW: Oh, sertunly. >Game Machine Man is the >most happy to see Queen Melita. MIKE: She owes him money. >Then they come to found the Great >Seven Youmas. RURI: Is that the accompanying band for the Jolly Green Giant? >Zoyitice and Kunzite. Not even the Sailor Scouts >can stop this. MIKE: What, not even the Sailor Scouts can stop this gross and unconstitutional misuse of the English language? TOM: Apparently not... Oh, and with apologies to Hermann Zaroff, *ahem*, "Nuzhink in zhe Vorld can shtop zhish!" >It's been a while.. MIKE: [Rene Belloq] It's been a while, Doctor Jones... >she the Great Shadows have been >in Dark Kindgom. RURI: This is amazing. I wish I had a notepad. MIKE: What? RURI: This strange new language... it should be studied and translated. >So with 1 hours that battle to end all battles >is about to begin. MIKE: Um... Mortal Kombat the Movie? TOM: No... MIKE: Oh, Street Fighter then. I always confuse all those stupid fighting games. > > > > CROW: This space for rent. RURI: The plot was supposed to go here. > >Meanwhile... MIKE: Hey, Thinker spelled an entire sentence right! TOM: Yeah, and *what* a sentence... RURI: Treasure the moment. It'll never happen again. >the fight with Nephrite was getting stangers... when >out of a portal pops a Youma. TOM: Heh. Out of a plot hole, you mean. >He tells them him do to >something..for rose to attack..... MIKE: Soooo.... a youma comes out of a poptart and starts stealing Tuxedo Kamen's lines? Gotcha. >Tudexo Karm CROW: Tuxedo Karmacide? >and Eternal Moon >appears. Nephrite has shocked.. RURI: ...everyone by having his name spelled correctly. >more shocked then Moon. CROW: Wait, why is Moon shocked? [Suddenly collapses into tears] I don't understand anything.... MIKE: There, there. It's okay. Everything will be fine. RURI: I think you're being overly optimistic. MIKE: You're *not* helping. >Eternal >Moon attacks with her Starlight Honey Kiss. TOM: And then Cutey Honey chops Sailor Moon's heart out and slices it into thin strips for stealing her catchphrase. CROW: You know, it's a good thing Rock never does that... TOM: Yes. Yes it is. > > >American saying comes out of Nephrite's mouth. RURI: [Nephrite] I didn't inhale. [Mike *looks* at her, but she fitfully ignores him.] >"Oh, fugde" RURI: Yes, this is very fudged. >"Don't worry, Nephome! CROW: [Gangsta] Don' yo' be worryin', Neph-homie! OTHERS: [Groan] CROW: What? WHAT? >The Great Seven Shadows have return!" MIKE: The Sailors still have SHIFT and CAPS LOCK, but we're gaining on them! >"This time I can become dead in piece." > MIKE: Anyone care to make an Undertaker joke here? CROW: No. TOM: Nope. RURI: No. CROW: Yes. I mean, I mean no. No. >At Rei's temple. They meet up with two new person. Saturn and >Pluto. MIKE: How exactly are a Freakish yet Strangely Bad-Ass Transvestite, and a rather stupid dog supposed to help them? >The learn that only why to stop the invisible is to find >Sailor Earth. RURI: Sailor Earth. That's original. MIKE: How many versions does that make? RURI: Forty-seven. >But clues to her idenity releaves that it's was >Princess Beryl.. TOM: Oh, that's smart. Bring up a huge potential plot-point and resolve it in the next line. CROW: And in the next Dr. Thinker fanfic, watch the good Doctor reveal the murderer before the murder actually happens! It's fun for all the family! >or mosly Queen Beryl herself. But a strange >ribble of Green Cat.. MIKE: Oh, Ribble of Green Cat! I had that once! It was quite good! Sorta tangy... It goes real well with asparagus though. RURI: I didn't know anything went well with asparagus. >can help them. > > >The Inivisble Youma makes it's fight appear. TOM: So it turns on the TV in time for the boxing match; so what? >Moon and her Scouts >gets kill.. CROW: Sailor Moon OAV, co-written by Mark Page! >but with Star Crystral born back with. RURI: Sailor Moon OAV, co-written by Yoda. MIKE: And once again, see how masterfully Dr. T resolves the potentially nerve-wracking plot twist. >They are reborn >and see what looks dead cat with green fur and brown eyes, TOM: Nooo! Zombie cat! Run for the hills! >and >cresent moon that is white then..then white. RURI: So, it's white? > >After a hour of trying to care for the cat. CROW: Come on, eat the wonderful, nutritious cat-food... Ow! No, that's my finger... >Saturn appears.. MIKE: What, again? Eric's sure giving him a lot of time off. >and >heal the cats. Saturn than drestorys one of the walls with a her >death glavie. CROW: [heavy Scottish accent] Och, aye! Her Deyth Glavie! > >Saturn becomes back to normal and deforms. MIKE: She *melts*? RURI: Sailor Saturn was secretly the Wicked Witch of the West. TOM: ...who is now online at www.www.com. >She needs to get a >item from accident.. TOM: So... was he trying to write occident only to... accidentally screw up? OTHERS: [groan] >called the Death Spike.. TOM: Ooooh, Death Spike! That sounds promising! CROW: I just hope it doesn't turn out to be a sickeningly cute little puppy dog or something. >or more calling know >as Exiculda. CROW: Existentialisticalness? TOM: Extra-Special-Crispy? RURI: Extraterrestrial-Biological-Entity? MIKE: Extra-extra-read-all-about-it? >Moon makes a remark to the Aurther's Legend. CROW: Aurther... Aurther... [Sudden flash of insight] Arthur! That Exi Coppola thing was supposed to be Excalibur! OTHERS: [applaud politely] CROW: Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all day! > >Saturn, and the Other Scouts, plus...Jutiper will go get the >Death Sword of Saturn will try to find the lost Sword. RURI: So Saturn, who already has a weapon, needs to get a weapon to be able to get another weapon. I believe that's known as overkill. > >Meanwhile, the rest of Inner will try to find Sailor Earth. TOM: That's easy enough. Go to any fanfiction archive and you'll find a few dozen of them. > >Meanwhile, a shock waves goes throw the town of Tokyo. The >Inivise Youma fells down. RURI: Inivise? He can't even keep his typographical errors consistent? >Queen Beryl who been watching from >Toyko's Tower ask what wrong. TOM: Other than Dr. T's english, you mean? >The Inivise give her a strange look >a Eyes of Brown in Cirlce Fromation. MIKE: Right. Eyes of Charlie Brown in Circe brand Carnation cheese. Got it. >A bunch of unprintied words >appears. CROW: Are they any more legible than these "printied" ones we're reading? >Kunzite who never hear speak like that. Sailor Earth >is appear. RURI: Number eighty-seven in a limited series of fifty million. >Kunzitie, and Zoyitice will find her. MIKE: Didn't he get Kunzite's name right just last line? RURI: We now know that Thinker does not believe in copying and pasting. >Then something, >appears. > >Meanwhile, the sorce of this strange CROW: Dr. Strange? OTHERS: [Silence] CROW: You know, the Sorceror? OTHERS: [Silence] CROW: Oh, come on.... was it *that* bad? OTHERS: Yes. >is going from apartment >similar in tests to young women, namely Eve Ann Adam. RURI: I'm getting a headache. >She finaily >get up from a strange dreams. TOM: I wish *we* could get out of this that easily... > >In this dream. She have a brother, but she was dress in strange >out like the somes..like those that she only weared at T*A >Private School. CROW: T&A? That fits. >Eve opens a door to see Moon sound by Tudexo Mask >and the Inner. MIKE: And behind door number one is... TOM: A nearly comprehensible sentence! Mah God! MIKE: There is? TOM: Well, if you assume that sound is supposed to mean stands and add three or four extra words and correct all the typos... >Meanwhile, the shocked while, Saturn appears and >tells that Sword is no the Exicluda, the Death Sword. RURI: It's the Exclusive, the Death Newspaper. >Saturn turns into Hotaru. MIKE: Hey, look! A grammatically correct sentence! That makes... one of em! >Eve is shocked to see that Hortaru is her >cousin. RURI: Does that count? MIKE: Um... I'm not sure... Spelling names properly counts towards grammar, doesn't it? >She ask what to her friend. CROW: What friend? [Starts to blubber] Would just a word or two of explanation be too much to ask?? MIKE: Don't worry, everything will be fine... RURI: Optimist. >Eve is shocked to see all of >them...even more shocked to more green far get. RURI: Morgreenfargett? Is this fanfic in Welsh? MIKE: No, I don't think so. Welsh is long and indecipherable. This is short and indecipherable. >The girl spokes >in a young friend. RURI: The girl stabs a young friend with bicycle spokes, leading to a long, drawn-out, painful death. The End. TOM: Must you steal my schtick, Ruri-Ruri? >Her name is Terra. RURI: If I had to grade the originality of that on a scale of one to ten, I'd give it a minus eight. >Eve is the Sailor Scouts of >Earth... CROW: So, does Eve have multiple personalities? MIKE: [slaps Crow] Bad reference! >and Mamoru..calls back to the car crash that kill this >parents... RURI: The one caused by his tossing a pipe bomb into the car's trunk just as they drove off? >in fact..Eve real last name is Chiba..She is give her >fom Terra have she turns into Sailor Earth. TOM: She is give her fom... [His dome mists over and he falls forward] MIKE: Tom? You okay? > >Meanwhile, the Inivise Youma...is wreck things..as the Sailor >Scouts pull with of all Power togother.. CROW: [Captain Planet] We must let our powers combine! MIKE: Tom? Tom?? Speak to me, buddy! >turning into one gaint >Sailor Scouts.... [Mike pokes the Bot with one finger... and the latter's head falls off.] TOM: ...Mommy mommy you no is under usted lo es el gumbey schortwurstel... MIKE: I hate it when this happens... >the Scouts have been on...Sailor Universe. CROW: What's that I hear?? Marvel beating down Thinker's door for ripping of Captain Universe? >Mirror, Space Buster, Garnet Orb, Slience Glavie, and the Death >Sword RURI: ...and Dorothy, and the Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion. MIKE: Quiet! This is delicate work! >becomes a Power Weapon..the Holy Sword of Justice. CROW: Is that masking tape? MIKE: I had to make do with what we had, Crow... > >To make sure it over comes it..the Inivisble takes energy from >Zoyitice, Kunzite and Queen Beryl CROW: So... um... the Invisigoth thingy was the main baddie? I'm so confused... RURI: So are we all. MIKE: Nearly done... >and merges itself with it's >Queen, Melita. MIKE: There... CROW: Is that a staple gun? > >Each of the Scouts fight and Inivise Shadow up in the trash him. MIKE: [Pauses in mid fix-up to think] So, the Scouts fight the Invisible Shadow and trash him? CROW: Hey! I didn't know you knew Thinkerese! MIKE: Neither did I... [pauses] Do you think Thinker does the translations for Hecto? [goes back to work] >The Scouts defrom and loves up......to see MIKE: Okay, done. What do you think? RURI: If you reattach that, you'll lose the patient. MIKE: Oh, come on! > >the Stars read.. MIKE: Oh, that's a good trick. Me, I haven't even managed to get my dog to stand on his hind legs yet. [looks down at Tom] Well, here goes... [Mike places Tom's bubble-dome back on his body... it sparks, spins around a few times... and then suddenly Tom comes back to life] TOM: Ohhhh... I hurt all over... MIKE: You can't hurt, Tom, you have no nerves. TOM: Who are *you* to tell me whether or not I can hurt? [sniffs] I'm so unfortunate... MIKE: Don't worry, Tom, I'm sure everything will turn out fine. >"Good Work, Sailor Scouts. 2 Tests to go. Be on >your toes. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha." CROW: Oh, come on! What a pathetic villain! It couldn't even put any *heart* into that evil laugh! > >The Scouts aggredd RURI: I believe Thinker's just tossing several letters onto the screen and hoping they end up constituting a real word. >with Moon guess that it's going be Master >Paroh and Death Pathom. TOM: What *I* want to know is how the heck are we supposed to take villains with names like *that* seriously? MIKE: See, Servo? I told you everything would be fine! > >Meanwhile, a cestial beging is stand inside a old lava of Mt. >Fuju. RURI: A cyst standing inside a crater? > >A dark voice rings out.......... [Everyone pauses, waiting expectantly. Finally...] CROW: Uh... Hai-keeba? MIKE: Hai-keeba? CROW: Well, I had to say something! >***************************************************************** >End - Reprise of Moon Light Dreams. >***************************************************************** RURI: It's finished. CROW: Okay, let's get the heck outta here! TOM: Wait! First, can someone please explain this story to me? I'm still trying to figure it out... MIKE: Well, the scouts have to fight the Negaverse, who Thinker also calls the Dark Kingdom, who've been brought back to life for no good reason, and are actually under the control of some Invise Thingy, except that they aren't, and it's actually under Queen Melita's control, and the real baddies are the stars and... TOM: Oh, forget it. MIKE: Right. [All exeunt] --- AND CUT IT THERE... --- >He lands back a the airport in which her death. Jadiete fast and >fary. Moon see him and makes a creak when..Who does Jadiete think he >his..Ramma and Co.